Story Time

Ya'll sit back - got a true story to tell. Or, as sea stories go, ya'll ain't gonna believe shit but -

Years ago, when I was younger, slimmer and had more hair on the top of my head and less in my ears, I had a buddy from New Jersey. Some of his high school buddies came to Texas over New Years, we all piled into a '74 Pontiac Bonneville and road tripped from Plano to Tyler, where NJ1's parents had a lake house. On the way out of Plano we stopped and purchased supplies for the weekend - Meat, corn chips, Beer (the NJ boys had to have a case of Coors, as this was back when Coors was not available east of the Mississippi), and that most Texan of condiments, Picante sauce. Now, these boys had heard of Picante in the barren flavorless wilds of New Jersey, but had never had it before. They immediately grabbed the biggest bottle of HOT they could find. I looked at them and gently asked, "You boys ever have picante before?" NJ2 "Nope, but it can't be that bad, can it?" Me - "I would suggest the mild if you've never had it before." NJ3 - "MILD? What do you think we are, girls?" Me - "Ok, lets split the difference - medium." Paying for the results of our foraging, we piled back into said Bonneville and headed for points east. We arrived at our destination, moved the beer from the cooler to the fridge and commenced to relaxing - ie consuming beer and burning meat 
n the most manly of fashions on fires and other such amusements. During the course of that Saturday, I watched the two boys from New Jersey consume a huge amount of picante, usually accompanied with statements like "This is great! We should have got the hot!". Sunday morning rolls around like it always will, and one of the boys from New Jersey went to spend some time in the bathroom. Suddenly we hear a god awful caterwalling coming from the bathroom. NJ3 looks at me, when from the bathroom comes the following scream "OH MY GOOD
MY ASS IS ON FIRE!" NJ3's face dropped, because he had just commented on his need for the bathroom next, and the reasoning. I gave him my best deadpan look and said with a twinkle in my eye, "Aren't you glad we got the medium?"